03:16 am - What happened? Alot. I just madeout w/ my sister's good friend...again.
It's been at least a year.
I was in love with a french girl but too ashamed to ever let her know.
I went to Asia thinking it would make me someone new but it just brought out the parts of myself I hated the most. The last month, in Burma and Japan were the bright amazing points.
I'm in Halifax now trying to "develop my writing"...WHAT THE HELL.
Not 2b dramaaaatic but I have a weird fixation with shooting myself in the head and splattering my brains everywhere. I'm semi-suicidal...1/8th? 1/2th? 3/4???
11:41 am - All-nighter leads to all-dayer In the past week I've found myself not being able to fall asleep until 7 in the morning. Then I sleep until 4 and wake up feeling like a lazy idiot sleazebag. So my genius plan to rectify this -- stay up past 7, all the way until the night. It's 1142 right now and I already feel wrecked. My bed is right next to my desk and I swear it's whispering seductive words to me in Shaft's voice.
12:37 am - Foufs Went to a "goth"-y nigthclub, several bruises from wrestling with people in the most pit plus a fat lip. On the way home, we leaned out of our cab window and screamed at people to race us for $20. I wondered while I was doing this if this is the youth people yearn for nostalgicly. Age 22 update: youthful idealism wearing off to be replaced by something more realistic yet not cynical (I hope), trying to write more, trying not to be a complete waste.
04:43 pm - Boo!! So how was your Halloween? This year, I went as a guy who bought his costume from a drugstore at the last minute. A skeleton mask, bloody skeletal hand gloves, and my bony skeletal body made for a perfect combination. I was either Skeletor or, when someone cut me off in line for the bathroom, Death who administered the Touch of Death to all who angered him.
The night started with a viewing of a concert at Café Campus – Controller.Controller and The Organ, two of my favourite bands. I went alone, because all of my roommates and acquantainces here do not like good music. So there I was, standing at the very front of the crowd, no doubt cutting off many peoples’ view with my tall frame but having a jolly old time nevertheless. It seemed happiness had finally arrived in the life of Patrick Cameron. But it was not to be, for suddenly I had a horrible feeling of nausea and dizzyness. The last thing I remember is making my way through the crowd, then I came to lying on the bathroom floor, shaking with someone asking “dude, are you OK?” Embarassed, and in a bad frame of mind, I got up and launched myself into the nearest filthy stall, where I sat with sweat running through my longsleeve black shirt in great quantaties, shaking, while The Organ played their first few songs.
Eventually I regained enough control to exit the stall, and looking in the mirror I noticed a long, thin, gash running down my neck. Apparently when I fell I did not block my fall with my hands, and hit the floor with my jaw and neck. At least, that’s what it feels like this morning. I exited the washroom, hoping I had not made a large spectacle of myself getting there, and sat by the water station for a few songs. Apparently I was still not in a good state of mind, because I think I dazed out and stared directly at Katie Sketch (The Organ’s lead singer) catatonically for a few songs. Whoops. Then after the show, buying a Controller.Controller t-shirt, I also managed to alienate myself from their lead singer when I said, “I listen to your EP almost every day…not to freak you out or anything.”
After making a fine mess of that I headed off, costumed, to a Halloween party hosted by a friend of my roommate. It was a pretty good scene and I gave a few people an awful fright with my Skeletor/Death costume. I tried to chat some people up and make some friends, but save for a few gracious people most gave me an “ooooooo-kaaayyy” sort of vibe. For some reason this seems to be the default I get from people I try to meet. Am I a bizarre person? I thought the problem was that I was too dull.
Anyhow, in summation I suppose the night was a mixed experience. But it was good I got out, even on my own. And I got a really swell Controller.Controller t-shirt, and a few Organ buttons as well.
04:25 pm What a fucking insane week. I wish I could actually say what happened, but my sister and several old friends read this thing. I will say that I have to get an ultrasound next Monday. And no, I'm not pregnant. And I got a text message from someone yesterday morning reading, "Hope last night was not too freaky".
09:15 am - Links for fellow political junkies One of the most important elections of our history is only a few days away, and unlike 99% of the population I am completely fascinated by it. To the point where everyone is telling me to "just fucking shut the fuck up about the motherfucking election, motherfucker". In any case, in case any of you are interested, here are some of the best political-related sites I've come across:
ABC News: The Note has all kinds of interesting background information. These dudes are huge political wonks.
TheKerryMovie.com is where you can download a full-length documentary about Kerry's Vietnam activism. I haven't had time to download the whole movie but the trailer looks very good.
If you missed the debates, and for some reason actually want to see them, they are available in decent quality from C-Span.org.
If you are the last human being to have heard about the speculation that Bush was wired up to get help during (at least) the first debate, IsBushWired.com has a ton of interesting stuff.
And, as always, The Daily Show is not only hillarious but probably more truthful and insightful than anything you'll see on CNN (no joke).
01:48 pm - Long time... I'm going to make a feeble attempt at keeping this journal crawling along, at least hovering above death, by updating it once a month or something. Montreal is alternatively great and shitty. Still have no friends. I've lost the only one I had 'cause she stood me up and didn't even bother to call me to apologize. But I don't have any social skills so maybe that has something to do with it.
Here's my latest masterpiece for The Link. I don't like the title they gave it. I think it's too sarcastic and arrogant. Hits too close to home? Anyway that's enough from me for now. A big what's up to the two people who read this piece of shit.
04:25 pm - Deep in the city of Frogs... I've been back in Montreal for a week now. I'm living in a tiny room in an apartment downtown, a few blocks from Concordia. Mind you, it is also a few blocks from Cracktown (sort of like Chinatown for crackheads). I have no one to hang out with so to keep my sanity up I've been wandering around downtown Montreal on foot at night. Last night I walked for about twenty minutes and stumbled across a whole street blocked off, with a huge screen set up playing some obscure foreign film (South African, I think). It was raining so there were only a handful of people there. So I sat down on some cold marble steps, getting rained on, watching a weird film, on my own in a city I've never really explored or known much about. Eventually I had to walk home because I only had a t-shirt on and I was shaking. School starts next Tuesday. By mid-September summer will be dead and it will be fucking freezing. I hope I meet some people to hang out with before then, or it will be more of this.
12:54 am - Tonic I think I'm becoming a crabby old man. Last Thursday night, after a 2:30 - 11:30 PM shift, I went with a friend from work (Mike) to a giant club downtown called Tonic. Perhaps I was just in a bad state of mind from lack of sleep and having to work for nine hours stuffing dirty towels in a dryer whilst being bossed around by an old lady with a mole the size of my fist on her face whilst trying to digest the staff "meal" which I think was chicken stew but can't be sure whilst mopping up liquid that I hope is water from around toilets whilst restocking washrooms and trying desperately not to run into drunk rich idiot yuppies, stumbling around and having loud cellphone conversations while they use the urinal whilst trying not to act like a complete dork around the only decent-looking girl on staff whilst trying to withstand the FLOW 93 shit they play on the work radio.
Anyway.
Like I said, maybe it was just the mood I was in but Tonic seemed to me to be stuffed with every bad rap video cliche I know of, but badly copied. There were the two attention-whore girls on the dance floor pretending to be lesbians, and the two dozen desperate, horny, 5'4'' "players" swarming around them like moths to a light. There were the guys dressed in what must pass for classy...in Burlington, which is where they probably drove in from. There was the Russian exchange student who didn't quite understand how things worked and was thusly wearing a cowboy hat. There were more attention whores dressed up like they were on Electric Circus, circa 1992. There were the Miller Light girls selling crates of Miller Lite to even more desperate, horny, 5'4'' "players". In fact, the whole club was basically divided into attention whores and "players".
I was so deliriously tired and at my wit's end from all of this that I took advantage of the drink special to get as loaded as possible, walked around the club laughing at just about everything I saw (on my own, out loud). Then one of Mike's friends grabbed both of us, yelling something about "scoring" and dragged us in front of the three most hideous swamp creatures I've laid eyes in on quite a while.
10:24 am - To MTL!! Well I had two days, Monday and Tuesday, to run up to Montreal and move my furniture from storage into my new apartment. I decided to post for passengers on craigslist's rideshare section. So going up I had two nice Iranian ladies and a guy in his mid-20s who had just gotten back from three years in Japan.
Apparently Japan is like America if everything was very clean, small, and run by Republicans. The entire population is absolutely subservient to power. Critical thought is not taught in schools. The evening news has stories about meaningless things like "The Crow Problem In Tokyo", and in the upper-right corner there will be a shot of other people watching the show, making exagerrated facial expressions so that you know how to react to the story. The women are like 1950's housewives and barely have opinions of their own. White foreigners are both demonized and followed around by everyone out of curiosity. On his way back from Asia, he sat on the plane with a guy who had been paid to go to Japanese weddings and impersonate a priest! Sacreligious, but he saved $40 000 that way.
The two Iranians sat in the back and didn't say much.
On the way back, my passenger was this older, weird-looking dude in an army shirt, REALLY short black cut-offs and army boots. When I called him to give him directions to my place, he said his name was Pat. I asked if he meant Patrick and he said quite sternly, "no, not Patrick...PAT". I didn't think anything of it. We left Montreal at around 6, and it turned out he was really smart, so we talked alot about philosophy and politics and listened to some Woody Allen standup. But I noticed that even though he kept talking about his girlfriend, he also brought up his involvement in queer politics alot. So about an hour away from Toronto, this happened:
Me: I notice you have a girlfriend, but you're quite involved in gay organizations...if you don't mind me asking, are you bisexual? Him: No, actually...I'm transsexual Me: (pause of about three seconds) Ooooohhhh......oooookay.
I'd like to think I took this pretty well, and we talked about that for awhile. Then...
Me: Another potentially offensive question - are you going to have surgery or anything? Him: I already have...you may have noticed I'm wearing a really loose-fitting shirt...
OK, well THAT freaked me out. I'm pretty left-wing, and I fully believe that if someone is not comfortable with their gender and they want to change, there is nothing wrong with that and they deserve support. But having an dude with breasts sitting next to you in a car will make almost anyone skip a few beats, know what I mean?
Anyway on the whole I'd definitely do rideshare again. Not only did I meet some pretty cool people but the money I made paid for all my gas, meals, and a night out in Montreal...so I made a $20 profit on the trip.
12:01 am - The horror....the absolute horror I'm sure we all gave out a collective sigh of relief when Creed broke up. I know I was so happy, I was crying like a sissy little schoolgirl. But unfortunately the nightmare is far from over, my friends.
The former lead singer of Creed has recruited the Tea Party as his new backup band.
That's right -- the shittiest melodramatic ("with arms with oooooooopen") rock performer known to man, and the shittiest most melodramatic ("shaaaaking as the sex tapes roll, I've loooost aaaaaaallll cooonnnnnnnntroooooollll") rock band known to man...
united.
But it gets worse.
The remaining members of Creed have formed their own band with a new vocalist, and they're currently at the bottom of the Much Top 30.
That's right -- two Creeds. Like cutting a slimy, stupid worm in half and getting two equally disgusting living things, but with even LESS substance.
So I was already disoriented from reading about that. Then I read in the Christian Science Monitor that Iraq has a new reality TV show, in which the crew visits homes that were bombed by the USA during the war and fixes them up again!! They call it "Labour and Materials". I am absolutely NOT kidding you.
One more link: Fafblog is the funniest political blog I've found so far. Be sure to read "Gay Marriage Amendment: THE FALLOUT".
06:51 pm - Turkmenistan Fucking unbelievable!! Has anyone let this guy know that it's 2004? The Soviet Union is over? Why hasn't anyone shot him yet? Get on that, people.
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